Falling Through the Cracks: Finding Home in the In-Between

There can be a particular kind of experience that is difficult to name.

You may move between cultures, languages, expectations, understanding more than one way of being, and yet not fully belonging to any one of them.

It can feel subtle at times and easy to overlook from the outside.

But on the inside it can feel subtlety painful or perhaps even a little overwhelming, like falling through the cracks,

I recall my ‘falling through the cracks’ experience when I went to university in the US, having just moved from Thailand. I didn’t get any adjustment orientation as I wasn’t considered an international student because of my US citizenship, and yet definitely not fully American as I had been living in Thailand for most of my life. I didn’t go to MK (missionary kid) orientation as we weren’t affiliated with any mission organization, although I identified deeply with my childhood friend’s MK experience. And so, fresh off the boat, I didn’t get any particular college orientation that could have been helpful in my transition to the country. Even though at the time I didn’t realize it, there was deep pain that I felt of being overlooked.

In many ways, this is part of what it means to live between cultures. For those shaped by multicultural or bicultural experiences, whether as third culture adults or within Asian and Asian American identities, your experience isn’t always perceived in full, but through whatever lens someone else has learned to see.

So you and I learn to adjust. Part of finding your way might include giving yourself permission to code switch, not as a way of losing yourself, but as something you’ve learned to do with awareness and choice. A way of moving between worlds while still staying connected to something steady within you.

It may also mean seeking out and connecting others who share similar experiences.
There can be something quietly relieving about being with people who don’t need as much explanation, where more of you is already understood.

“Home” may not come from choosing one world over another. It may begin in noticing what feels consistent within you, even as everything around you shifts. In allowing your experience to be complex, without needing to simplify it for it to be valid.

Over time, home can start to feel less like a place you arrive at, and more like a relationship you build with yourself.

If any part of this feels familiar, you’re welcome to take your time here or reach out when it feels right.