Permission Slips for TCKs

As a Third Culture Kid (TCK) , often much of who you are is defined for you.

Where you ‘look like’ you are from. What your passport country is. Who your parents are. Where you live now. Where you were born. Where you lived the longest. Where you sound like you are from. How long you lived in a place. Where your siblings look like you are from.

For those who grew up between cultures, these definitions are often shaped by many voices—family, school, environment, and the places you’ve lived. Sometimes they shift depending on where you are. Sometimes they don’t quite fit, but you learn to work with them anyway.

Over time, you may become skilled at adapting to what is needed or expected.
At finding ways to belong, even when the definition of belonging keeps changing.

But there isn’t always space to ask:

What feels true to me?
What am I allowed to claim, feel, or choose for myself?

We don’t stop becoming TCKs when we become adults. In my early adulthood, my therapist passed this resource to me that allowed me more spaciousness with how I identified. You may find resonance in Maria P. P. Root’s Bill of Rights for People of Mixed Heritage too.

While it was written in the context of mixed heritage identity, many of the statements offer something simple and powerful: permission.

Permission to define yourself.
Permission to not explain.
Permission to exist outside of fixed categories.

For those who have lived between cultures, this can feel quietly relieving, to see something named that was never explicitly offered before.

Permission slips aren’t something someone else has to give you.

They can be something you begin to offer yourself—
a way of gently loosening the expectations and definitions you’ve been carrying.

Here are six I have adapted for TCKs:

• I GIVE MYSELF FREEDOM for many parts to exist within me.

• I AM ALLOWED to create a vocabulary and language about being multicultural.

• I HAVE THE FREEDOM to be loyal to and identify with more than one group.

• I AM PERMITTED to change how I identify over a lifetime- and more than once.

• I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION not to be responsible for people’s discomfort with my where-I-am-from-story.

• I MAY IDENTIFY DIFFERENTLY than how strangers expect me to identify and than how my parents and siblings identify me.

Over time, you may begin to notice what hasn’t felt available to you.

What you’ve hesitated to name.
What you’ve held back from choosing.

And from there, you can begin to write your own.

If this resonates, this is something we can explore together, at your own pace.